Memories Of You
by destiellove25
Summary: Set after 8x23. "He closed his eyes, focusing, trying to get a mental image, a memory, something, anything that could help him. But there was nothing. Just this one thought. This one name. 'Dean Winchester...' "
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The sky was crying. That was what Castiel thought when he looked up. He had no idea what he was or who he was, or how had he gotten... wherever he was. All he knew was that the night sky was light up by thousands, maybe millions of stars, burning, falling. He looked at them, followed them, confused as to why was this making him feel so sad? Why did he felt as if this was horrible? The image was beautiful, but there was a knot in his stomach. He couldn't breathe... Tears started dripping on his face and he didn't even tried to stop them. He just stood there. Scared, alone ... So confused and so dizzy. A child lost in the dark.

The complete silence and stillness that followed when the lights stopped was overwhelming. He exhaled hard, shivering, looking at the ground. It was as if he had been holding his breath for the past few minutes without realizing. "What was that..? What am I doing here? Where do I go?" There were so many questions he had and no answers at all. But there was one thing he knew. One thing that kept ringing in his head. The only confident thought that he had in his mind, surrounded by uncertainties. One name...

"Dean..." He closed his eyes, focusing, trying to get a mental image, a memory, something, anything that could help him. But there was nothing. Just this one thought. This one name. "Dean Winchester... Who are you? Where are you?"

"Come on Sammy, get up."

Dean helped his brother get back to his feet, both of them still staring at the sky, even if the angels had stopped falling. The image had been so terrifying, so sad. Heaven literally falling apart. Dean had never liked angels all that much, but he had never wished for this either. Closing Heaven, leaving them all inside there, that was okay. But all the angels falling down to Earth wasn't. Especially not after Anna had explained them how horrible falling was. Especially not since Castiel was an angel too...

"We gotta find Cas." He announced, not even bothering to ask Sam's opinion about it, while he started walking to the Impala and opening the front door.

"Wait, Dean! What about him?" Sam pointed towards Crowley, who was still tight up to the chair.

Dean closed the door hard and started walking towards the demon, with Sam following him close behind. "We're taking him with us. But we keep him cuffed. We can't trust him."

The King of Hell stared at them both, looking both confused and tired. "Did Heaven really just broke apart?"

"Yes." Dean broke the Devil's Trap, starting to undo Crowley's leg cuffs right after, while Sam was removing the one around his neck. "And I don't want to hear any of your sassy, stupid remarks about it."

"You're worried for your boyfriend, aren't you?" Crowley asked, with a small smirk.

The older human punched him hard in the face, meaning him fall out of the chair. "I said shut up!"

"Dean..." Sam got closer to his brother, grabbing his arm with his hand to stop him from hitting the demon again.

But Dean pushed his brother away, not too roughly, but not all that gentle either. "I am alright. Now can we go already?"

"We don't even know where to start, Dean... I mean, do you even have any idea of where Cas might be?"

"No. Which is exactly why we should leave sooner."

"What, are we gonna search for him through all the 50 states?"

"Yes. That is exactly what we're gonna do. Now get in the car."

Sam left his head down, just staring at the floor for a small second, before going to help Crowley get up. He had seen Dean angry and worried before, but this was the first time his brother was this desperate. It was almost frightening. It was as if nothing else mattered to him anymore. They had not closed the gates of Hell. All the angels had fallen. Metatron was a traitor and possibly their new enemy. And they couldn't release Crowley without him most certainly trying to murder them. But they couldn't keep him forever either. Even so, even if they had all these problems, all Dean cared about was finding Castiel.

"Sensitive little boy, hey..." Crowley laughed.

Sam threw him an angry gaze, walking him to the car. "Dean's right, just shut up." He pushed him on the back seat and closed the door, before getting next to Dean in the car too. "What are we gonna do?"

"After we find Cas? I don't know, we'll figure something out." Dean rolled the keys, making the engine start, not even looking at his brother.

"Dean..."

"I don't wanna hear a thing, Sam. Whenever he's on his own, he does something stupid and all Hell breaks loose. Or Heaven. I am not having that anymore. Cas needs us. He can obviously not deal with anything when he's alone. Plus... He's human now."

Sam was silent for a moment. But then he just nodded and looked at his brother, his expression changing from upset and confused to understanding. "Okay... Let's find Cas."

Dean nodded back at him and started driving. _'You better not have forgotten me, Cas... You better still remember me, damn it. You fucking better!'_ Dean said in his mind, loudly, trying not to let any tears fall.

A/N: So it's a bit short but it is just the first chapter. There will be more soon. If I have to wait for season 9 I will end up losing my mind, so I need to write my own story to cope with this break. Hope you guys like it. Tell me what you think, please!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Castiel moved from the never-ending highway and set next to a tree, falling to the ground, breathing hard. He touched his chest with his hand, feeling his heart beating fast. He needed a break. He felt as if he had been walking forever. He didn't knew what time it was, but the sun had been up for quite a while. He had walked the entire night. He didn't knew where he was heading, but he didn't wanted to stay alone in a dark forest either. He needed to find a city. He needed to find someone, anyone at all. But he was so tired... And he was so hungry and thirsty. He figured he'd take a break and then walk some more. There had to be some form of civilization somewhere near. He hoped so at least.

"Dean..." he whispered to himself. "Am I Dean? Is Dean my name?" No, it couldn't have been his name. It was someone close to him though, he was sure of that. Someone important... So important. But no matter how hard he was trying to remember him, he just couldn't. "I need to find him... I need to find Dean. I will find you. Whoever you are..."

He got up and started walking again. The cold wind was blowing, and he buttoned up his trench coat, trying to get a bit warmer. He didn't understand why everything seemed so still. Why wasn't there anyone around. Why couldn't he remember anything... 'Maybe I've been in an accident...' he thought, trying to make some sense of the situation that he was in. 'Maybe there is someone who's looking for me right now. Maybe they will find me...' He kept thinking. He needed to be positive or he was going to lose his mind. And that was all that he had left...

* * *

"Maybe we should stop and get something to eat..." Sam suggested, looking at Dean.

Dean shot him a fast look, before turning his gaze back the road, his eyes scanning the entire ground that he was able to see, looking for any sign of Castiel. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really, but... You've been driving for over 12 hours without stop, you know?"

"I am fine. If you need anything, I'll stop."

Sam sighed and turned his head to look out on the side window. It was as if Dean was working on magic batteries. He was feeling sick and exhausted, but he didn't wanted to bother Dean with that. His brother seemed way too worried already, more worry would have helped nothing. But just driving around pointlessly was not going to help them find Castiel. They needed to sit down, drink and eat something, relax for a minute and think of an actual plan. Dean was an action man though. His attack plan was to attack and Sam knew that in the state his big brother was at that moment, he was not going to listen to reason or logic. All he was able to do was sit there and wait for Dean to get tired as well and to realize that what they were doing was pointless. Then he would be able to actually talk about it. He left his head rest on the window and closed his eyes, trying to relax.

* * *

The loud sound of an ambulance made Castiel turn around, confused and a bit scared. He moved out of the way slowly, watching the big car approaching fast. He expected it to pass by him and he felt even more confused when it stopped close to him, two men coming out of it and moving towards him.

"Are you alright, sir?" one of them asked.

Castiel took a step back. "Who are you?"

"Something very strange happened last night. There was a meteor shower and this morning, millions of people have been found wondering around, with severe amnesia. Do you remember anything?"

Castiel left his head down and stared at the ground. So he was not the only one. "N-No... I... I don't remember anything..." He confessed.

"You'll have to come with us. We'll take you somewhere safe and make sure you are fine."

"No." He took another step back and look up at the two men. "I... I need to find Dean."

"Dean? Who is that? A friend? Relative?"

"I don't know... His name is all I can remember..."

The two men exchanged a pair of looks in between, before looking back at Castiel. "We can't leave you here, sir. Please, come with us. After we get you to the hospital I am sure that someone can help you find this man. Alright?"

He hesitated for a long moment, just sitting back and looking at the two people in front of him. Their face showed nothing but pure concern and care for him. He didn't knew them, but he didn't knew anyone to begin with. He had to find Dean, that was the only sure thing in his head. But he had to eat something too, maybe rest a bit as well. He was sure these men were not going to harm him. And they were the only humans he had seen since he had left the field. 'Maybe they will actually help me...' he thought, before nodding softly to them.

They smiled to him and helped him get inside the ambulance, promising him that he was going to be okay and that the place they will take him to was safe. They were saying something about having him see a specialist, but Castiel wasn't actually listening to them anymore. For a moment, a short moment, he had seen something. He had seen a pair of eyes. Wide, beautiful, shining green eyes... As green as the grass in the spring. As green as two emeralds. Green as life itself. He blinked a lot when the image vanished, as fast and sudden as it had appeared. He saw the doors of the ambulance closing and he sighed. "What's happening to me..?" He muttered, covering his face with both of his hands.

* * *

"Are you feeling any better?"

Sam looked up at his brother and nodded. "Yeah..." He took another sip from his drink, getting a big bite of his burger as well. "Sorry that I made us stop..."

"You should have told me sooner that you were feeling so sick." Dean protested. Sam had been hiding his ill physical condition the entire day. "We would have stopped earlier if you had."

"I just need to rest and I'll be okay... Where will we sleep?" Sam asked.

"In the car, for now. We can't leave Crowley alone and we can't bring him cuffed inside a motel either."

"Yeah, true... What will we even do about him, Dean?"

"I have no idea... We can't let him walk without him coming after us. He's far from being human."

"He's not exactly the same either though..."

They both turned to look at the demon, who was looking back at them from the car. It was night again. They had been driving for more or less 24 hours. Crowley had not tried to escape. He had not even said much, apart from his arrogant and ironic remarks every now and then. He was very calm... Too calm. It was not normal.

"He doesn't seem to want to escape..." Sam pointed out.

"Why would he want to stay?" Dean asked back.

Sam shrugged, finishing his burger. "Beats me. Maybe my blood did change him. Not turned him human, but made him... more humanly?"

Dean raised his eyebrow. "Right. Well, for now, he's safe. He can't break out of those cuffs, he can't go smoking out and he can't hurt us. If he tries anything weird, we waste him."

"How do we do that?"

"We find a way."

Sam simply nodded, trying not to argue with Dean's logic, or crush his hopes. Plus, he was feeling was too tired and powerless to enter in a contradiction with his big brother. "I'll just go in the car." he informed him.

"Yeah, you do that. I'll just look around here for a moment."

He watched Sam until the younger man was inside the Impala, before he turned on his heels and started wondering around. They had parked on the side of the highway. There was nothing there. No cars, no people, no nothing. Just the hard ground and the cold wind that kept blowing hard. He still looked though. He didn't knew what he was looking for. He just wanted to see a sign, anything that could lead him to where Castiel was.

He digged his hands in his pockets. "Cas? Can you hear me..?" He knew this was useless. All the angels had fallen, Castiel must have as well. But still... There was something in him that wanted to believe that maybe Castiel had made it. That maybe he had not fallen too. That maybe he was still an angel. Still his angel. So he prayed. "If you can hear me, come here. I am worried for you man. I just want to know if you're okay. I just want to know you didn't..." He closed his eyes and left his head down, unable to finish that sentence. "Please, Castiel... Please..."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"You are a special patient, Cas. You said that is your name, right?"

Castiel looked up at the doctor in front of him and nodded softly, before bowing his head again. "Yeah, I believe so, at least. I had this memory of me and Dean yesterday and he was calling me Cas..."

"You are the only one who remembers anything." The doctor moved a bit in his seat, examining his papers, looking at Cas when the man was avoiding his gaze. This man had captivated him. Since he had got there, two weeks ago, he had been so different than all the other amnesic men and women he had to deal with. His case was unique. His obsession for this person that he called 'Dean' was fascinating. The doctor wasn't sure if Dean was even real or if he was just someone Cas had imagined in order to cope with the pain of losing his memories. "Who is Dean?"

"I am still not sure, but... Judging by the memories, I..." He stopped trying to find the best way to phrase it. "I think he was my boyfriend."

The doctor was speechless for a moment, just staring at him. "Why do you say that? Did you remember doing anything intimate with him?"

"No." Castiel said fast. "No, no..." He shook his head. "Is just that... I love him. And whenever I remember him, I feel like I loved him for a long time. He was closer to me than anyone else... We had a special bound, we had an unbreakable connection. What else could that mean?"

The doctor nodded in understanding. "One of the nurses told me that you wanted to leave the hospital. What happened? You don't feel good here?"

"I just... I want to find Dean... And I can't do that here." Castiel explained.

"Do you remember anything else apart from Dean?" the doctor asked, and Castiel just shook his head 'no'. "Do you have any idea where he might be?"

"No... He doesn't stay in the same place for too long. He keeps moving. Of what I remember... He drives this old, black car..." Castiel placed one of his hands on his forehead, trying to remember more. He wanted to remember what car did Dean drive. Why did he kept traveling? Why did he never stay? Who was he? Where could he find him? But he couldn't remember. "I do remember how he looks now though!" He looked up at the doctor and smiled. "He's a bit taller than me and he has short, sandy blonde hair and big green eyes. He is beautiful... And he is strong and brave and he is... Important. Very important to me..."

"He sounds great, really. But I can't let you leave the hospital and wonder off on your own, without any money or anyone to help you, without even any idea of where you have to go." Castiel left his head down again, looking sad and disappointed and the doctor sighed. "Look... I understand that you want to find this boyfriend or whatever you say he was to you, but for now, you must stay here. At least, until you remember more and discover where you can find him. And, who knows, maybe he will find you."

"Really?" Castiel asked, hopeful.

"I am sure that if Dean cares for you as much as you care for him, and if he didn't lost his memory too, he is somewhere out there now, searching for you." The doctor placed his hand on Castiel's shoulder, in a reasuring way. "If he comes around, you can leave with him. And if he doesn't, but you remember where he actually is, I will let you go. Alright?"

Castiel nodded. "Yes... Thank you, doctor."

"Just call me Eric."

Castiel smiled. This man had been so kind to him and so helpful. It was because of him that he now remembered more and more. He had a couple of new memories every day. Memories of Dean. They were pieces of a big puzzle that for some reason, Castiel wasn't able to connect. He still had no idea who he was or who Dean was. He had no idea why him and Dean had met or what was the purpose of their relationship. All his memories were vague but sweet. He remembered watching Dean sleep, he remembered Dean taking care of him when he was wounded, he remembered Dean making him smile... He remembered loving him. And all he really knew was that he wanted and needed Dean back.

* * *

"Well?" Dean asked, as soon as Sam walked to him.

Sam just shook his head slowly. "Nothing." He digged his hands in his pockets, looking around the street for a moment before turning his gaze to his brother. "Nobody recognized my description of Castiel in this hospital either."

"Damn it!" Dean said annoyed. "Maybe the description is not good enough. Maybe we need a picture."

"5'10", black hair, blue eyes, wearing a dark suit and a cream trench coat. I think it is descriptive enough, Dean. If anyone would have seen Castiel they would have recognized him from my description. Plus, these doctors even showed me all the patients they have in with severe memory loss. None of them was Cas."

"Maybe Cas didn't lose his memory. Maybe he still remembers. Maybe he's not even in any of these hospitals and we're just losing time."

Sam took a breath, trying to remain calm. Him and Dean had been over this conversation 100 times and it was getting ridiculous. "I understand that you want to think Cas is special or something, but let's face it. All the angels who felt lost their memories. The world is freaking out because there are millions of people all over the planet with severe amnesia. Nobody knows where they came from or what happened to them, but they are all in hospitals and being taken care of. Wondering around like idiots won't help us at all. Checking the hospitals for him is the best real plan we have."

"It just pisses me off, man... It's been two weeks! We've searched all the hospitals from South Dakota and North Dakota, Montana, Wyoming, now Colorado... Kevin can't help us at all since he still hasn't finished reading that damn Tablet. We've got Crowley riding shotgun, Abaddon on the loose, the whole damn angels army memoriless on Earth, and that damn Metatron bastard probably enjoying Heaven all alone like it's a vacation suite! The only good thing that has happened yet is that you recovered..."

Sam just looked at his brother, with a concerned and understanding expression. "I know we've got problems, Dean. Big problems. But we've been through worse."

"You think?" Dean scoffed.

"Look, I want to find Cas just as much as you do, believe me. But... Will he even be able to help us? I mean, we know for sure that he has no memories, right? He'd be kind of..."

"Don't you dare say he'd be useless." Dean shot Sam an angry stare, making the younger man not finish his sentence. "We've always just called for Cas when we needed help. When we wanted him to rescue our dumb asses. Maybe that is why he never sticked around for too long. Maybe that is why he didn't even trust us."

"Dean..."

"It's our time to help him, Sam. And if he doesn't remember anything, we'll help him remember. And if he's human, we'll teach him to be a hunter. Cas will never be useless."

"Okay, okay... I understand. Calm down." Sam said, trying to avoid arguing with Dean.

Dean opened the door to the Impala. "Just get in the car..."

"There are like 4 or 5 more hospitals in this state that have patients with memory loss... We can go check them." Sam said, while entering the Impala.

"You two are really amusing, do you know?" Crowley laughed, looking at the brothers. "What if your baby angel isn't even in America anymore? He could be in England for all you know. He could be in Japan. He could have fallen in the ocean."

"Dude, shut the fuck up!" Dean yelled.

"I can find out where Castiel is."

Sam and Dean turned to look at him, both surprised and a bit doubtful. "How?" Sam asked.

"How do you two nutheads think I always knew where you two were? From Hell I can see this whole planet. And scan it. I could give you his exact location if you just left me go check it out."

Dean turned back around and started the car. "Nice try, Crowley."

"You think I would just run away, don't you?" the demon asked.

"No. We think you found your hidden love feelings and now you want to be our best friend forever." Dean said ironically.

"What if I did?"

Sam turned around again to look at the King of Hell. A part of him believed that Crowley was different. It was so obvious that he was not the same. Something inside him had snapped out of place in the day when the gates of Hell almost closed. He had not put up a fight, he had not tried to contact anyone anymore, he had not even complained much. It was as if he had nothing against staying with them.

"Maybe he can actually help..."

Crowley smiled. "Oh, thank you for the confidence points, moose."

"You can't be serious." Dean took a glance towards his brother, while driving. "We can't trust him."

"I could go with him." Sam offered.

"Where? To Hell?" Dean laughed.

"It wouldn't be the first time I went there..."

Dean looked at his brother shocked when he realized Sam was being serious about it. "You want to go to Hell. With the King of Hell. Are you hearing yourself?"

"But he is right though. What if Cas is not even in the USA? What if he landed in a different country, different continent? We can't just search the entire planet, Dean..."

"He is not leaving. And you're not going anywhere. Just let me think. I'll find something... There's always something." Dean said, focusing on the road.

Sam just looked at Crowley again, who just seemed to be disappointed that nobody trusted him. The younger brother had no idea why he felt as if he could trust Crowley. Maybe it was because he had been there that day. Because he had seen Crowley change. He had seen him turning into a different being. One that wanted love and care and forgiveness... He was sure that Crowley had changed and he just wanted to give him a chance. But it was probably going to take a while until Dean would actually learn to see that too.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I know this took forever and I am sorry. I've just been really busy and had no time to write. I will try to write more often from now, promise. So yeah, here's the new chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 4

Dean got inside the hotel room, slamming the door hard behind him and leaving the keys to the Impala on the table, together with the bag of food and drinks he had bought. Sam looked at him for a small moment, before turning back to his laptop.

"Found anything?" He asked.

Dean shot him a pissed off look. "What do you think, Sam?"

"Sorry, I was just asking..."

Crowley was sitting in an armchair close by, staring at them without saying a word. The brothers had released him from the bounds. It had been Sam's idea. He had gotten tired of them living mostly in the Impala because of Crowley who had to be always tide up. He needed a bed to sleep in, and he knew Dean needed it too. So they had agreed to release the King of Hell. They had thought he'd just vanish away as soon as he was out of the shackles, and they were actually ready to let him go. But he had stayed.

"I really don't understand what you're still doing here."

The demon look at the oldest brother, a small smile appearing on his face. He shrugged and shook his head. "I guess I got used to your company."

Dean laughed ironically. "Yeah, right. You're not fooling me, Crowley." He took a beer from the bag and opened it, taking a sip. "You're cooking something and I don't like how it smells."

"If I would have wanted to hurt you, Ken boy, I would have done it by now. It's been what... three weeks we've spent together? And these past three days I was free. You two slept, I don't sleep. I could have murdered you the second you turned your backs on me, boys."

"He's right, you know?" Sam said, nodding softly.

Dean looked at his brother and then at Crowley again. He slowly played with his fingers on the neck of the bottle, while thinking it through. It made no sense. He didn't understood why Crowley was so calm, why he wasn't doing anything. Why he wasn't attacking them, why he wasn't at least leaving. It had to be something that he wanted from them. They couldn't just trust him. They couldn't trust anyone. And if this problem with Castiel wouldn't have been stressing him so much, he would have probably attacked Crowley himself out of pure paranoia.

"I just want to help you two find your angel."

Dean turned his attention back on the demon when he heard him say that. "Why the Hell would you want that? What do you have to gain out of it?"

Crowley moved a bit uncomfortable in the armchair. He seemed to be searching for words, searching for a good way to express what he wanted to say. "Look what... Whatever Sam did to me, it changed me. In some ways that not even I understand. It made me... feel things."

Sam raised his eyebrow, curious. He closed his laptop and put it away, staring at Crowley. "What kind of things?"

"Guilt, for a starter. I did a lot of bad things. As expected, you know, I'm a bloody demon! I never felt remorse. I had completely forgotten what it means to feel bad for something. To feel sorry for something..." He laughed, sadly.

"You think that if you help us, it would somehow make you feel better? Make you feel less guilty?" Sam asked.

Crowley nodded. "Yeah. You can put it that way, moose."

"So you don't actually want to help us. You just want to help yourself. To make yourself feel better." Dean concluded.

"Whatever, Dean! I mean, who gives a damn?" Sam said, a bit irritated. "No matter what reason he has, thing is, he could have killed us at least 10 times by now and he hasn't. And he can help, alright? And we need it, man, we need all the help we can get. It's been 3 weeks, 8 states, hundreds of hospitals and no Cas. I mean, we're in freaking Texas, dude, and if he's not here and we have to search all this place, I will lose my mind. And you might too."

He stopped and they just stared at each other for a long moment. Sam knew that Dean probably believed he had lost a screw, but he didn't care. He knew what he had seen that day, he knew that Crowley was not lying about a change being made in him. They had given him the chance to basically destroy them and he hadn't even touched them. He was clearly different and Sam knew Dean saw it too, he just didn't wanted to admit it.

"Dean..." Sam broke the silence, when it finally became unbearable.

"Okay, okay, fine." He left the bottle on the table and looked at Crowley. "I still don't believe you. Or trust you. But Sam's got a point. I mean, we've got nothing to lose, do we?" He paused for a moment, closing his eyes. "You said you can locate Cas from Hell."

"Yes." Crowley nodded.

"Alright. Then go. Go to Hell. Scan the world, look for him. Find his exact location." Crowley smiled and got up, looking actually glad that he could help. "Wait." Dean stopped him. He crossed the distance between them, until they were merely inches away. "If you find out where he is and you don't return to tell us, if you fucking trick us, if you hurt him... I swear to you, Crowley, I will kill you in such a painful way, you'll pray you were never born."

"I'll keep that in mind." The demon said, right before disappearing.

Dean took a deep breath and turned to look at Sam. "I can not believe we actually just did that."

"Hey, things have changed, Dean. Maybe it's time for us to have a bit of trust."

"In demons? In Crowley?! God damn it, Sam! When would we have ever trusted him?"

"When would we have ever thought we'd end up chasing for Cas through half the damn country? When would we have ever thought Heaven would break apart and all the angels would fall? When do we ever think of any of the crazy stuff that ends up happening to us, Dean?"

"Guess you're right..." Dean sighed. "I just hope this bastard doesn't play us."

* * *

"What are you doing still awake?"

Castiel heard a voice coming from the door and he looked up from the big piece of paper he had in his lap. He smiled to the nurse, who was sitting in the door, before turning his gaze back to the paper and continuing to draw.

"I am not tired." He said. "And I wanted to finish this."

She came closer to him, her long, blonde hair moving gracefully as she walked. Castiel liked her. She was always kind and tender to him, almost like a friend. Her name was Cindy, and he had actually grown attached to her since he had first met her, in his first day there. She looked at his drawing, smiling impressed.

"You've got a lot of skills! It looks amazing!"

"Thank you." he proudly replied.

"Is he the man you keep talking about?" she curiously asked.

Castiel nodded. "Yeah. It's Dean. My memories of him get more clear by the day, and still... I can't remember how I met him. I can't remember his family name... But I now know the car he drives! It's a Impala. A black, '67 Chevy Impala. He loves that car..."

"His eyes are very beautiful. Very green..." Cindy said, still staring at the drawing. "But he seems rather sad."

"Yeah, he is. He is not really a happy person." Castiel informed her.

"Why not?" She asked.

He stopped for a moment, thinking. "I... I don't really know why..." He analysed all his memories of Dean, all the details of everything he could remember. He knew that Dean was a sad man, it was somehow impregnated in all the mental images he had of him. But he had no idea why. "I don't remember... But... he makes me happy. I do remember that..."

She smiled kindly to him and touched his shoulder. "He sounds like a great man, Cas. But it's really late and you should sleep. You can finish your drawing tomorrow, alright?

He nodded. "Yeah, sure..."

He gently placed the drawing, together with all the colored pencils on the night stand, before sinking in the bed, placing his head on the pillow. Cindy covered him up with the blanket and wished him a good night. He smiled to her one last time, before watching her leave and closing his eyes. "Dean... Where are you..?" He whispered to himself.

* * *

"Found him." Crowley announced, as soon as he returned. The brothers were at the table, eating, but they both jumped from their seats when they saw him. "Illinois, Chicago."

"What?!" Sam said amazed.

"You gotta be kidding me... That's an 18 hours drive from here, man." Dean said too.

Sam almost laughed, unable to believe what was going on. "All this time, we've been searching in the wrong side of the country..."

"What was he doing? Is he alright?"

"He looked pretty okay to me. He's at a hospital called Rush University Medical Center, it's one of the best in the state so he's for sure being looked after. He was drawing."

"...Drawing? Cas can draw?" Sam asked confused.

"If you're tricking us, I will waste you." Dean threat.

Crowley just rolled his eyes. "Hey, I am back, am I not? I went there, returned, got you the information you wanted, instead of letting you two idiots just wonder off in the wrong direction. Don't I at least get a thank you or something?"

"Not until we actually find Cas." Dean grabbed the keys to the Impala and looked at Sam. "Get everything back in the car. We're leaving."

Sam hurried to do what his brother had told him, while Dean just stood by, staring at the demon. "I really hope you're not gonna make us drive all the way there for nothing, Crowley."

"I'm not. Castiel is there. I promise."

After one more moment of silence, Dean walked out of the door together with Sam, Crowley following them closely. He was excited. So excited and so happy. It was the first time in almost a month that they actually had a real clue about where to look. But he didn't wanted to get way too carried away. He didn't wanted to get his hopes up. For all he knew, Crowley could have lied. It wouldn't have been the first time he tricked them. Yes, everything was indicating that he was saying the truth, but you can never be too careful, Dean thought. Still... His heart was beating faster at just the thought that maybe, just maybe, he was going to find his angel this time.

They all got in the car, Dean taking the driver seat, with Sam next to him on the passenger seat and Crowley in the back. It was going to be a damn long road, but if the demon had been honest, it was going to be worth it, so Dean didn't wanted to waste any minute.

"Hey Crowley." He said, while he was driving, looking at the demon through the review mirror. "What was Castiel drawing?"

The King of Hell smiled, letting out an amused sigh. "You."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Dean was driving so fast that Sam was actually worried about them getting pulled over by the police. He didn't dare say anything though. His brother had his hope turned on and that was the first time it had happened in almost a month. The younger Winchester just prayed Crowley had been honest with them. He for sure trusted the demon a lot more than Dean, but still. He had his doubts. He just didn't thought he could bear seeing all that new found hope and happiness from Dean's eyes vanishing in case they didn't found Castiel this time either. He had started realizing exactly how much the former angel actually meant to his big brother. Sam had noticed a few things. The long stares that Dean and Castiel sometimes shot at each other, the emotion with which they sometimes spoke to each other, that way in which Dean's eyes would shine when Castiel was around, that fear that took over him when he thought Castiel was in danger... Oh yeah, Sam had noticed it. But he had chosen to not pay so much attention to it. Dean would never admit to his feelings for the angels and Sam didn't wanted to push it. But now, after all that had happened since the angels had fallen, Sam had come alone to the conclusion that Dean loved Castiel. He wasn't sure if it was a romantic sort of love or not, but it was lone, none of the less.

"Don't you want to make a stop? Maybe get some food?" Sam asked.

"Are you kidding me? We're one hour away dude, I am not stopping. If you're hungry, just deal with it. We can get some food after we find Cas." Sam stared at his brother for a minute, before giggling. "What?"

"Nothing..." Sam smiled. "You're just so adorable."

Dean gazed at him and raised his eyebrow. "Shut up." he said.

* * *

Castiel was sitting in his bed, holding his now finished drawing of Dean in his hands, staring at it. He smiled. It looked good... He liked it. He wanted a picture of Dean, something that he could look at whenever he missed him, something that would always remember him that Dean was a real person, that Dean was somewhere out there, maybe searching for him. That Dean might find him. That was why he had decided to draw him. This was the next best thing beside a real picture. He passed his finger slowly across the image, touching Dean's face. 'He is so beautiful...' he thought.

He could feel something in his stomach, like a knot, an uncomfortable sensation, whenever he thought of Dean. He didn't knew exactly why. All he could remember were good things. But still... There probably was a large amount of bad things that had happened between him and this man too, something that would explain why he also felt a deep pain whenever Dean was on his mind. "I want to know how we met... I want to know who you are... I want to know who I am... Who was I to you..." He was talking to a drawing and that was stupid of him and he knew it, but he couldn't help himself. He just wished so much he could find this one man. His entire existence was spinning around this one single person, this one detail, the only one he could remember.

"Did you finish it?"

Castiel looked up and saw Cindy sitting next to his bed. He had not heard her coming. He was too focused on his thoughts. He smiled kindly to her though and showed her the drawing. "Yes... It's done."

"It's beautiful..." The nurse said, admiring the drawing. "He is beautiful."

Castiel smiled again, wider this time. "I know..." He sighed. "I just wish I would remember more..."

The woman gently caressed his head, in a caring way. "You will... I am sure you will one day." Her name was called really loudly from one of the speakers and she nearly jumped. Both her and Castiel giggled. "I have to go... My boss is gonna kill me, I am supposed to be giving medicine to everyone. But I will come to see you again as soon as I get some free time, okay?"

He nodded and she kissed the top of his head, before running fast away. He didn't knew why she was always so kind and loving to her, more than to anyone else from there, but he sure appreciated it. It felt good, to have a friend. And he really needed one then.

* * *

"This better not be a lie, Crowley."

Crowley got out of the car and shut the door behind him bored. "You said that one hundred times, Dean. We're here now! Why don't we just go inside so you can see for yourself?"

Dean stared at him without saying anything for a moment, before gazing up at the huge hospital they have parked in front of. It looked gorgeous. And large. He took a strong breath, put himself together and started walking towards the entrance, with Crowley and Sam following him. He was so nervous. There were a thousand thoughts running through his mind and half of them were not pleasant. They were mostly plans of how he would kill the demon if he had been lying and Castiel was not there. But the other thoughts were beautiful. About finally finding his angels and taking him back.

He walked to the front desk, where a woman was sitting behind the counter. She greeted them and asked how could she help.

"We believe a friend of ours might be in here." Dean said. "His name is Castiel, he's like 6 feet tall, he has short black hair, blue eyes... Wears a trench coat."

"What is the family name?" the woman asked.

Dean looked at Sam who shot him a worried look. Damn, that was a question they had not been asked before. Castiel didn't had a family name. What the Hell were they supposed to say? If they lied, that would have helped nothing. If they told the truth, that he had no family name, that would have made no sense to her.

"Dean?"

The two brothers and Crowley turned around, to see a young woman in a nurse uniform standing close to them, staring at Dean. She had long, blonde hair and brown eyes, a expression of both happiness and shock on her face. "Oh my God, it is you..."

"You know me?" Dean walked to her, confused yet curious.

"Cas will be so happy!" She said, taking Dean's hand in hers. "He's been talking about you since he got here!"

Dean turned to look at Sam, who smiled to him, while Crowley just had that 'I told you so' kind of expression.

"You know the man they are looking for, Cindy?" The woman from the desk asked, looking at them.

"Yes! Follow me. I will take you to him."

Dean tried hard not to just run instead of walking. But he was able to keep himself calm. His heart was beating so hard, he was afraid it might jump out of his chest. He was so close... Castiel was there. He was in that building. They were going to see each other again in just a matter of minutes. And he was almost unable to handle it. They took the elevator and then they walked some long halls that seemed almost never ending, but Dean was anxious, he didn't even noticed the place around him. His legs were walking automatically. His mind was not there anymore. He was way too far gone.

"Is this it?" he asked, when the nurse stopped in front of a door.

She only nodded and he opened it, bursting inside the room. Castiel was on his bed, looking rather lost and sad. Dean felt his heart stop as soon as he saw him. The former angel wasn't wearing his normal black and white suit anymore, nor the trench coat. He had a cute pajama on, that the hospital probably gave him. His big, sky blue eyes shined just as brightly as before and he had the same, sweet, innocent looking face that Dean had always loved.

"Cas..." His voice broke, feeling close to tears.

Castiel stared at Dean amazed. He had seen him coming through that door so many times in his dreams that for a moment, he questioned if this was real or not. He felt unable to breath. Dean was there. He was really there! He got out of the bed slowly and started walking closer to him, while Dean walked towards him as well.

"You found me..." he whispered.

Dean nodded. "I found you. Finally... I've been searching for you all over the place..."

Castiel made one more step, breaking the last bit of distance that was left between them and he wrapped his hands around Dean's head, closing his eyes and pressing a kiss on the man's lips. Dean remained still. He had not expected that. He was anxious about seeing Castiel again too, but that... That he did not see coming. He didn't want to push him away though, so he just stood there until Castiel stopped and made a step back. He heard Sam and Crowley giggling in the back and he made a mental note to punch them in the face later.

Castiel smiled, the brightest smile Dean had ever seen him smile. So very happy... Happier than Castiel had ever been. Happier than he thought Castiel was able to be. "I love you..."

"...What?" Dean asked. "I mean..." He giggled. "You never said things like that before."

"I didn't?" Castiel asked, looking puzzled. "I am sure I did. I mean, you're my boyfriend, aren't you?"

Dean stared startled at him. Why on Earth Castiel think they were lovers? It made no sense to him. Then again, Castiel was now human. He had lost his memories. He still remembered him for some reason, which was great, but Dean doubt he remembered much else. He seemed way too happy. If he would have remembered half of the shit that was their life, he would have been depressed. Could he really break Castiel's happiness? His cute, little fantasies and dreams that made him so happy? No... He couldn't do that to him.

He laughed again and nodded. "Of course, Cas... I'm your boyfriend." He said, before placing a kiss on Castiel's forehead.

Castiel wrapped his hands around him once more, in a powerful hug and Dean rested his own hands on his angel's back. He looked at Crowley and Sam for a moment, who had stopped being amused and were now just staring stunned at them. He made a sign to them to keep their mouths shut, and he really hoped they would. At least for a while. He wanted to keep Castiel this happy, even if it was just for a little bit longer.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**"I am going to give you back your clothes now and, after you get dressed, you can go see doctor Eric for a minute and then leave, alright?" Cindy said, with a big smile on her face.**

**Castiel smiled back at her and nodded. "We'll wait for you outside." Dean announced, moving towards the front door together with Sam and Crowley. Castiel seemed to be okay with it, so they all three exit the room, closing the door behind them and leaving the former angel with the nurse. **

**"Are you out of your mind?!" Sam angrily acussed. "What was all that crap? You and Cas are not boyfriends!"**

**"Well, he is a boy and he is my friend..." **

**"You know that is not what he's thinking about, Dean."**

**"Yeah, yeah, Sammy, I know. But did you look at his face? He's so happy, man..." Dean sighed, staring at the floor for a moment. "I never saw him so happy before."**

**"Angels are not generally happy, they are not even supposed to feel to begin with." Sam said.**

**"Well how cruel is that? Cas deserves to be happy too, you know?"**

**"You boys do know that Castiel was a small angel, right?" Crowly commented, out of no-where. The two brothers looked at him confused and he laughed. "It's funny how you two have been with him for so long and you don't know the smallest thing about him."**

**Dean crossed his arms and stared at Crowley questioning. "Well, Cas doesn't exactly talk to us much. So if you know something that we don't, spit it out."**

**"Castiel is just a couple thousands years old. To you, monkeys, he is indeed ancient and very powerful. But actually, speaking in Angel years, he is just a teenager."**

**"Cas is a high-school kid?" Dean asked, not knowing whether to be amused or not.**

**"He is a young one, yes. That is also why he was so fast in falling, disobeying, and rebelling. No grown up angel would have done half the shit Castiel did in order to protect you two idiots." He paused for a moment, giving the brothers time to assimilate this new information. "Castiel is now a human being. Everything that made him be an angel is now gone from inside him. Normally, he shouldn't have remembered anything at all. But Castiel had something that the other angels didn't have. He felt some sort of intense bond to you, Dean. Something all of Heaven has wanted to wipe out of him, but no person or thing ever could. Not even losing all his grace. Now that he is a human, that feeling turned into what you people call 'love'. So, natrually, he is under the impression that you and him are a couple. Because he loves you."**

**Dean listened to everything Crowley explained, his lips parted in a expression of complete amazement. Now a lot of things made sense. Why Castiel was always so reckless, why he was always trying to do the right thing but kept failing... Why Castiel always seemed so different, compared to all the other angels they had met. Castiel was a child... **

**"Wow... Alright. So what the Hell do we do now?"**

**Crowley shrugged. "Well, there are two things you can do. Break his heart appart and tell him the truth, that you don't love him and you aren't his boyfriend, or let him believe what he believes and pretend you love him back." **

**"Will he ever become an angel again?" Dean asked.**

**The demon took a moment to think about that. "I don't know. I doubt... I honestly have no idea."**

**Sam looked worried and confused at both Crowley and Dean. "Wait. If he was a kid in Heaven, is he now like... A human boy? Will he even be able to fight? Does he have the mind of a teenager or what?"**

**Dean rolled his eyes. "We were ganking monsters when we were teens, Sammy. Cas can do it too. Kids can learn to be damn good hunters and we're the living proof of that."**

**"If Castiel is actually a young human boy now though, could you really do that to him, Dean?" The two brothers stared at each other, and Sam knew that Dean understood what he meant. **

**Dean wanted to come up with a good reply to that, but his words got stuck in his throat when the door opened and Castiel came out. He was wearing again his black suit, with the white shirt, the blue tie, and the long trench coat that completed the look. He was still smiling, a pure, happy, childish smile and Dean felt his heart melting. He wanted to protect him. To keep him safe, make sure nobody would hurt him. But he knew that he wasn't going to be able to play Castiel's nanny... He was going to have to teach Castiel to fight on his own. And Sam was right. It was not going to be easy.**

**"Here... This is for you." Castiel hand him a large piece of paper, on which Dean's face was carefully drawn with a lot of skill. Dean looked at it, a smile appearing on his face. "I made it myself! Do you like it?"**

**Dean giggled softly and looked up at Castiel. "It's really cool, Cas." He gently caressed his head, almost in a fatherly way. "Thank you..."**

**Castiel stepped closer to him and took his hand. "You have to meet my doctor now! I have been talking to him about you since I got here, I think he's dying to meet you." He looked at Sam and Crowley as if it was the first time he actually noticed them. "Who are they?" **

**"Oh, he is my younger brother, Sam. And this is Crowley... He is... Our friend. Sort of." Dean explained. "Don't you remember them?"**

**"Not at all. I only remember you." He throw them a friendly gaze, still holding that pure smile. "It's so nice to see you both!"**

**They politely squeezed each other's hands, faking some smiles so that Castiel wouldn't feel disappointed or rejected. The situation was so awkward, even for Dean. But Dean was handling it better than Crowley and Sam. At least, Castiel knew who Dean was. Or well, he remembered him a bit. **

**The former angel started pulling Dean by the hand along to hall, to get him to the doctor's office. He was so happy that he was almost skipping around as he was walking and Sam and Crowley looked at each other for a moment, the same amazed and somewhat worried expression on their faces.**

**"This is gonna hold us back so much..." Sam said, starting to walk along the hall as well.**

**"You think?" Crowley ironically replied.**

**"What about you? Are you seriously gonna stick with us, or are you going back to Hell?"**

**Crowley went silent for a moment, looking around the corridors they were crossing. "I can stick around for a while longer. You idiots need me."**

**"Why? Are you scared to go back home?"**

**"I am not freaking scared!" Crowley stopped walking and so did Sam, staring at him puzzeled. The demon took a strong breath, trying to recover his calm. "Look. What you did to me changed me. I am not a full on demon anymore. When I went back to Hell to search for Castiel, I... I didn't like it there."**

**"Excuse me?"**

**Crowley fixed Sam with his gaze and, for the first time in all the time he had known him, Sam was able to notice real feelings on the other's face. "It was as if I had been blind all along and I finally opened my eyes and gaze upon Hell and... I didn't like it. I don't want to be there. I am not scared, I just..."**

**"Hell is painful and scary, yes. I know." Sam nodded, understanding.**

**"You made me almost human. I still have my powers, which is a blessing, but I don't belong there anymore. If you two don't want me around, I can leave but I am not going back there either way." **

**"You are my responsability now. I am the one who broke you." Sam sighed and started walking once more, and Crowley followed him. "I think Dean might trust you a bit more now. You did bring us to Cas, after all... But, Crowley, what will happen to Hell without you there?"**

**"They will eventually choose a new King. Or Queen..." **

**"Abaddon."**

**Crowley nodded. "I hope not, but it is possible. You have no idea how strong that little bitch is. And if she receives all Hell's power, you idiots will need demons on your side if you plan to survive." **

**"True..." Sam muttered.**

**They saw Castiel and Dean stop in front of a door and they hurried to catch up with them. They reached them just when Castiel knocked at the door, and received an invitention to enter from the inside. Castiel opened the door, excitment clear on his face, and entered with the others following him closely. **

**Castiel dragged Dean by the hand closer to the desk where the doctor sat. "He found me, Eric! He came to me on his own. It was just like you said!"**

**The doctor got up from his seat and looked at Dean in pure shock. Dean smiled to him, amused by his expression. "Hey there, doc. Thank you for taking care of Cas while I was gone."**

**"Dear God... You're real! I'm sorry, I just... I thought you were only in his imagination." **

**Dean laughed. "No. Me and Cas have known each other for a long time now. Is just that, that night, we were not together and he lost his memory and started wondering off and I was unable to find him anymore. We've been searching for him ever since." He gestured towards Sam and Crowley and went silent for a moment, while the doctor saluted them. "Have you found out why this happened?"**

**"No, not yet. We're still working on it, everyone in the world is. It is probably the most strange and unexplainable thing to ever have happened... And Cas here seems to be the only one out of all the amnesic people who remembers something. That is why we thought, maybe, it was just all in his imagination... But here you are."**

**"Yes, I'm here to take him with me. We're going home." Dean really hoped this guy was not going to cause them problems. He didn't felt like killing a human.**

**"Yes, of course, that would be great. He does need you a lot..." The doctor giggled. He was clearly a lot more than surprised. He looked as if he was thinking about how much of an idiot he had been for not beliving Castiel from the start. "You should bring him in to be checked every now and then. Just so that we can keep track of him, since he is an unique case." He sat back down in his chair and started writing a prescription that he then handed to Dean. "Make sure you buy him these. If he starts remembering more, he will have powerful headaches and possible crises. He will need those strong painkillers. And if you need any help with him, here's my phone number. Call me at any time."**

**Dean stuffed the prescription and business card in his pocket. "Thank you, dude. Don't worry, we'll take care of him." **

**They waited while Castile said goodbye to his doctor. They seemed to have grown rather close. That man actually cared for Castiel and Dean was glad to discover that his angel had not suffered while he was here alone. He had been a lot more safe than Dean had thought. From now on it was probably going to get more and more rough for Castiel. Dean wished there could be a way for him to spare Castiel of all the pain and trouble and hurt of the Supernatural world, but he knew that was impossible. He could lie to Castiel about being his boyfriend, but he couldn't hide their 'job' from him. Plus, sooner or later, they were going to have to explain to him that he used to be an angel.**

**"You have to tell me everything about you, Dean, because there is a lot I don't remember!" Castiel demanded, while they were walking out of the hospital, hand in hand. "How did we met? What do you do for a living? How long have we been together? Did we ever have sex?"**

**Dean cleared his throat heavily when he heard the last question, unsure if he wanted to laugh or burst out in anger. "We met about 5 years ago. It's a very long story, Cas... It's complicated. Me and Sam, we're hunters. Does that term tell you anything?"**

**"You chase animals around and kill them?" Castiel asked confused.**

**"Not really..." Dean said, while they were walking through the parking lot. "We're gonna talk about this when we get to the motel we're gonna stay in today,okay?"**

**"Alright, I can wait. The Impala!" Castiel went fast towards the car and started touching it softly. "I have so many memories of you driving it."**

**Sam crossed his arms at his chest and stared at Castiel. "He remembers the car but he doesn't remember me? What the Hell?"**

**"I don't know, dude. Guess you didn't leave much of an impression on him. There's nothing memorable about you for Cas." Dean teased him.**

**"Yeah, well, at least he doesn't think me and him are having sex." Sam got back at him fast.**

**"Haha. Very funny." Sam opened the front door of the car and tried to get in but Dean stopped him. "Get in the back with Crowley. I want Cas to sit next to me."**

**Sam looked at him surprised for a moment and then laughed softly, but did as he was told. They all got inside and, when all the doors were closed, Dean took a look at Castiel just to find him watching him back. "Are you feeling alright, Cas?" He asked.**

**"I am now, that I'm with you..." Castiel touched Dean's face gently, and the hunter didn't move. "I love you..."**

**Castiel kissed him and Dean kissed back, while Crowley and Sam were watching them, rolling their eyes from the back seat. They had no idea where they would go from there or what they will do. None of them could tell for sure what was going to happen next. They were happy they had finally found Castiel, but the big question was, 'Now what?' This was not going to be easy on anyone, that much they were all certain of.**


End file.
